I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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