are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Found the puke drawer
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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