clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
