I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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