you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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