I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Randomize
