I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
