did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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