we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
