I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
