I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
