rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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