I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
