At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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