I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
