well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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