but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
