If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
