It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
