Pants 0. Shit 1.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
