we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
