Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I FOUND THE LEGS
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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