Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
