I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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