the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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