I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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