Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
