thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I'm drive I can fine osifer
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I supernannyed him into submission
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize