She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
