well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
