we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
