1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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