I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
