im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
