not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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