PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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