i just had sex bonerless
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
