Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize