I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Randomize
