He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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