Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
