WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
