I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
