I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize