Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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