Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize