i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
