Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
