oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
third nipple confirmed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize