I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
