she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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