It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
