My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
