It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
