Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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