Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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