When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
