I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Randomize
