had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
