I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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