she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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