I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
