Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
