I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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