i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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