Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
