bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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