Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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